To be clear, I’m not a skeptic of romance or love; it would be very difficult to be one of those, seeing as I did get married less than two months ago. But ours was a low-key wedding and I was happy with that. To be honest, I would have been happier with less. But, anyways, my sister-in-law to-be is marrying my brother in the spring, and she wanted to go to a wedding fair. She said there would be alcohol. Sounds good, I said.
When we loosely planned our wedding this year, I avoided things like this. They surely add stress to an already stressful time and, honestly, I was sure that I wouldn’t fit in. I didn’t think I was girly enough. I never dreamed of being married, but I did dream of finding somebody to spend my life with. I found the hen night type things forced and slightly uncomfortable. The bride is supposed to be blissfully happy and all eyes are on her. The groom is allowed to turn up, happy but nervous. The bride has to perform. I can’t perform what I can’t feel, so I couldn’t pretend that I’d be excited (or even slightly bothered) about flower arrangements or veils (which I am sure represent hymens). We only decided to get married on a whim and it was lovely but my favourite bit, to be honest, was sharing a pizza together, still nicely drunk, at the end of the day.
So this annual wedding fair was interesting. I went in feeling a bit like a social anthropologist but was surprised at how much I enjoyed myself. I’d been given a few of these bridal magazines before my own wedding and stared in disbelief at the 18-month checklist of wedding planning things to do. And, on this side, the day didn’t disappoint. There were representatives from country houses and the Sri Lankan tourist board and wedding insurance companies. Teeth whitening stalls and a wedding band who kept playing ‘She Loves You’, which I wooed along with like I was an actual person in the 60s (not quite).
We made jewellery. I made a brooch with a smiley face on it because why not? I also made a pearl-like bracelet. I realise that I haven’t worn either of these items since, but it was nice to be creative in the midst of all of the people selling stuff at you. I tried some okay prosecco and some nice cava and wondered if the man handing out the drinks was judging me for how many shot glasses I tried.
The ‘dress-yourself’ tips were to be expected and something I was in two minds about. I am becoming less bothered with what I “should” be doing and “should” be wearing. Why should we always try to look young? Though this was towards the end of the day when I was feeling sleepy and grumpy and I show this by making sarcastic comments about things people are paid to give advice about.
And, of course, in our goodie bags were low-cal tasty food because who wants to be a fat bride?! I was actually at my heaviest when I got married because my husband is a good cook and I wasn’t moving around much. There is a lot of importance based on how you look as a bride. You are supposed to be you at your most perfect, your most glowing. Clothes and make up are fun, and I enjoyed doing my own make-up on the day, but I think that this is a throwback to the days when this was the actual highlight of a woman’s life: it was all, essentially, cleaning from that day on; endless cleaning and worrying about your husband leaving for a less domesticated model.
I did have some problems with weddings and obviously still do but, oddly for an atheist like me, the person with a stall speaking the most sense was a lady from the Church of England. She said that a lot of people focus on the wedding and not the aftermath, the actual marriage-ness of marriage. She gave my sister-in-law a candle and seemed authentic when she wished her well.
So, I actually had a fairly nice time at this Wedding Fair. I’m glad I didn’t go before my own wedding because it would have stressed me out. The problem with this type of thing is you can see the myriad ways your wedding day could be and, hopefully, this doesn’t lead to disappointment. It was sweet to see people looking so nice in the dresses they tried on; they looked self-conscious with all the people looking and I would be too, but they looked lovely and authentically happy, not putting on a show, as I felt at my own dress fittings. And I thought it would all be quite bad-natured, competitive and about putting women down for their weight or how they look or if they aren’t being perfect enough, which is something I’m increasingly aware of. But I had quite a nice day, all told.
Kate Lunn-Pigula 